Still more of Paulo Coelho

Let's suppose that two firemen go into a forest to put out a small fire. Afterward, when they emerge and go over to a sea, the face of one is all smeared with black, while the other man's face is completely clean. Which of the two will wash his face?

Most of us would think: "That's a silly question. The one with the dirty face, of course."

No, the one with the dirty face will look at the other man and assume that he looks like him. And, vice versa, the man with the clean face will see his colleague covered in grime and say to hmself: I must be dirty too. I'd better have a wash.

I came to realize that I was always looking for myself in the women I loved. I looked at their lovely, clean faces and saw myself reflected in them. They, on the other hand, looked at me and saw the dirt on my face and, however intelligent or self-confident they were, they ended up seeing themselves reflected in me and thinking that they were worse than they were. Please, don't let that happen to you. - Paulo Coelho (Zahir)

Are relationships built this way? When we're single, we're given a chance to know who we are individually. We always look at ourselves and ask ourselves if what we did is alright already. But once we get into a relationship, we always ask our partner, do we look alright? Are our clothes ok? Is my makeup alright? We thrive so much of other people's opinion. We wanted so much to please the other person. And what of opinions of ourselves? When the other person degrades us, then we see the world in their eyes. We loose our self respect. We loose our ability to reason that what he may be saying is wrong. Instead, we trust that voice that belittles us. But on the other hand, if the voice is of an encouraging one, we gain strength from it. Thus, i can conclude that the one with the dirty face is better off coz he sees the world thinking that he has a clean face. He faces the world with more courage and is able to take on tasks that seem magnanimous.