Intensity 10

Started the day with a heavy heart. In my sorrowful mysteries last night, I was able to cheezily compose a forwarded message that suited my needs. Partly it conveyed a message to the reader not to mislead a person when there is no intention to go further.

Thus I got what I've asked for. No texts, no nothing. Nada. Lunchtime came and went. Was really tempted to sneak a text but fought against my wills to do so. Luckily it won over. A little later, received a text asking me whether I'd like to buy the lights I'd asked earlier this week (when complications were not yet there). Asked for more discounts, and an explanation for the voltages (that just to be able to text back). And took a really long while for the reply to come. During the waiting period, there were flashes of anger and hot temperedness within me that I should just release to the people involved in this entire thing. Hidden frustrations with their dysfunctionality seem to emerge and throw this volcano into a full eruption as it spit and spat everywhere. It has really been a long time since I had such intense emotions boiling within me, wanting to break out. For I thought I had it tamed. And it will be if their dysfunctionality will not hurt anyone I know and care about. (Although I know submission is virtue) But the thought of actually losing.... it was too much for me to bear. Thus they have to bear with my grunts and willfull spites. I thought that just let me be this way for a few days, until I wear myself out, then I'll be ok. Just as i used to vent out my frustrations before.

But suddenly, out of the blue (i didn't even hear the beep), i saw the message, (Badmin this sat?) and this once fierce looking monster calmed down and learned to smile again. (But of course hiding it from them, fearing they'd eat me alive if they knew...)


June 14, 2007