on marriage

Recently, I've been pondering on the questions regarding the role of a wife in marriage and found some stuffs from my old treasure chest that i've written long ago.. Really really long ago.. (from a December 21, 2005 entry.. real old one)

From Let Me Be A Woman, p88
1. You don't marry a man with the idea of complete renovation. But you marry somebody to whom you are willing to adjust. And not be like the lady in "My Fair Lady" who'll
redecorate your home
from the cellar to the dome
and then go on to the enthralling fun
of overhauling you!!

2. You are going to marry a husband, so you should treat him as such. He cannot be expected to perform duties of a brother or of a father. He stands in a relationship to you which is totally new and unique and it is going to require a measure of maturity for both of you to enter into it.

3. Your husband is known fully only to God, and stands in a sense alone before Him. God said to Abraham: "Walk before Me and be thou perfect. Ultimately he is God man. He did not suggest that Abraham could walk before Sarah and be perfect. Ultimately he is God's man. He is free and you must always reverence this freedom. There are qustions you have no right to ask. Matters into which you must not probe, and secrets you must be content never to know.

4. When you decide to marry this particular sinner you have committed yourself to putting up with his particular sins even though you don't have a clear idea of what they will be.

5. Snoring is the sweetest music in the world, ask any widow. Husbands need our appreciation. A perspective of losing your husband even for a short while will bring you back into perspective.

6. When times comes to be monotonous, and the spellbinding football leader/quarterback he used to be didn't shine anymore, your responsibility now is not merely to bat your eyelashes and tell him how wonderful he is, but to appreciate, genuinely and deeply, what he is, to support and encourage and draw out of him those qualities that you originally saw and admitted.

7. For a man to call his wife "mommy" is a dead giveaway. The magic has gone out of the marriage. Is he her lover still, or has he become her little boy? is this relationship that is still growing toward maturity. Or is it regressing?

Speechless

Once just a shadow,
Now my better half.
Once just a stranger,
Now you're my forever.

How can God possibly hear?
Was He always that near?
Thought it was someone else
Thought it was someone dear.

Never in my wildest dreams,
would I ever guess..
How you came along,
Crooned my days with your song.

Now I can hardly imagine
A day gone by without you
Life is but a breath
But in your eyes I can see eternity.

Admit It...

Try as you might,
You desperately want to hear,
Confessions that might bring you cheer
But did it ever occur to you
What may happen if I do?

Lay my cards on top
All for everyone to see.
But did you ever stop
To think what will be
Left for me if I must yield?

You've had yours kept
safely tucked inside;
No denials, no pressures
I gladly paced mine with yours.
So all I ask of thee
Is to please let it be
Till time tells what else should be.

If you indeed must know;
Then one thing I need to know;
Will you be able to reciprocate
This nagging thing constantly bothering me.

If you won't
Then please let me know
Les I put my hopes
In all nothing but show

For this thing is a two way street;
One way or another
We have the option to meet
Someday, somehow, somewhat, somewhere
God will know who goes where.

Intensity 10

Started the day with a heavy heart. In my sorrowful mysteries last night, I was able to cheezily compose a forwarded message that suited my needs. Partly it conveyed a message to the reader not to mislead a person when there is no intention to go further.

Thus I got what I've asked for. No texts, no nothing. Nada. Lunchtime came and went. Was really tempted to sneak a text but fought against my wills to do so. Luckily it won over. A little later, received a text asking me whether I'd like to buy the lights I'd asked earlier this week (when complications were not yet there). Asked for more discounts, and an explanation for the voltages (that just to be able to text back). And took a really long while for the reply to come. During the waiting period, there were flashes of anger and hot temperedness within me that I should just release to the people involved in this entire thing. Hidden frustrations with their dysfunctionality seem to emerge and throw this volcano into a full eruption as it spit and spat everywhere. It has really been a long time since I had such intense emotions boiling within me, wanting to break out. For I thought I had it tamed. And it will be if their dysfunctionality will not hurt anyone I know and care about. (Although I know submission is virtue) But the thought of actually losing.... it was too much for me to bear. Thus they have to bear with my grunts and willfull spites. I thought that just let me be this way for a few days, until I wear myself out, then I'll be ok. Just as i used to vent out my frustrations before.

But suddenly, out of the blue (i didn't even hear the beep), i saw the message, (Badmin this sat?) and this once fierce looking monster calmed down and learned to smile again. (But of course hiding it from them, fearing they'd eat me alive if they knew...)


June 14, 2007

Sit dwan...

This is actually a chinese term... term that stands for those being feeling loss due to heart matters. (or something to that sort). Had been feeling it lately, when the text of that someone special is missed, and you wonder if its because of work or was it because of the revelation I gave regarding my dysfunctional status. Its the point where one loses appetite and the spark to do normal chores. Its when everything seems dull in color. I had experienced it once, that was during the reign of oxie. And now that I thought I had found "the one", right there essentially, everything must go on smoothly, but it seems that this is going to be another round of heartaches and loss hope. Must I experience this again dear Lord? Just once more grant me your strength to face this. And give me another one so that this curse will be broken and I can go my merry way.

June 13, 2007 7:37pm

oxyMoRon Anyone?

This season is another season of heartaches and another round of sorrowful mysteries.. ^^ I thought I have finally found someone but I guess that no one can withstand the pressures of the family (all the more that of my family) ^^ (as they say... matira ang matibay) hehee..

Looking back at my journal, I can't believe how one sided the love i had for that one creature in my life. Now I laugh at the entry that I had seriously written down two years ago, Dec 21 of 05

"Hwee kee" (noun) - defined as oxie, similar to oxiemoron, misleading, does not take initiative, well versed in mandarin, fookien, kewl, sabi-shi-i-desu, thao-ke, multivitamins (3x a day text), proud, man of many words, magnet of gays/gals, good cook. lobster eater, korean lolo entertainer, loyal to his gf, inconsistent texter, numb, busy, workaholic, enzo friend, fudge slave, risk taker, hated and loved at the same time, stealer of thoughts, hoops and yoyo fan, driver, rebellious, outgoing, unmovable, bittersweet, spontaneous, igniter of false hopes, proud, mother of pearl...

and i could really go on and on about this guy, for this was one person who invaded my thoughts for the past unknown (X) years where X is infinite.

june 13 2007

Random Heart Ramblings

Just had an after dinner treat with my high school friends last night. And the age old question: why did you break up came up once again. Of course I used the ever universal answer that its because of my *toot* *toot* but in reality, (yes its already 1230am and am still reflecting on such trivial matters), the reason lies not on other's problems but with my own.

Love, as i have learned and experienced, should not be based on merely feelings itself but rather on commitment and respect. These two I personally did not have during my immature years and when I grew tired of everything, I just gave it all up and tried waiting for my own adventure. But alas, God had other plans and miraculously didn't allow any other soul bear the foul play of my supposed immaturity. Life is a series of lessons. Most often than not I blame (and try to find blame) in others and not See the lessons behind.

I am not saying that I have grown up. Grown ups are boring, talk of jibberish and politics (because they can't discuss sensitive issues, and waste time by doing so). I still am giggly (ok not that giggly coz relationships aren't new issues for me) when I talk the "whose who-couples" with my friends. Its just that, when my turn comes (that is given the chance), hopefully, I'll be able to give my bestest shot at it and try to appreciate and learn from it.