My Caliraya Adventure..

Digesting Joshua Harris (Part 1)

This is my second time I read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". I wanted to be reminded of my goal in finding a life partner. It isn't the temporary, fleeting feeling of being in love, because in doing so, I wreck havoc on my soul, mind, and spirit. I had finished all of J. Harris' collection, but somehow, I can't move on to my other books to be read (Chronicles of Narnia) w/o first looking back and picking grains of wisdom gained from the first book.

First, I can't entertain dating again coz in doing so I shall give part of my heart to someone again. Taht won't pose a problem now but it will later, when I'm about to be married to the man destined for me. The question will be "What is left of my heart to give to him?" In my selfish quest for temporary enjoyment, I will deprive myself and my future hubby of the precious gift of love, because only a few portion of my heart maybe left. In conjunction, I selfishly take parts of other peoploe's hearts that wasn't meant to be mine. And this I deeply regret. Hopefully they can forgive me but damage still has been done. =(

Second, purity is a must. There had to be more to it than "don't have sex" and "date only Christians". Purity is the symbol of love/care. It shows how much you care for your partner by sacrificing inner cravings and therefore protect him/her. "Deciding not to date till I'm ready for marriage" - that should be the correct mindset for this matter. In defining love, we must quote the Book of all books to give the perfect definition: (1 Jn 4:10-11) "This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends,since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another". Thus, we are commanded to love our brothers and sisters, just the way how God loved us. I don't have the right to ask a person's exclusive attention and affection if I'm not ready for marriage. True love isn't expressed in passionately whispered words or an intimate kiss or an embrace; before two people are married, "LOVE is EXPRESSED in SELF CONTROL, PATIENCE, even words can be left unsaid" Some quotes i found true:

"When we put God's glory and the needs of others our priority, we position ourselves to receive the greatest joy in our lives "
So what are the things we are to receive as our blessings?

"True friendship, peace, joy, fulfillment in serving God as a single will be what's in store for us"

"When a relationship is pursued with a Godly set of values and high standards, we preserve both the feelings and purity of the other person. And if it doesn't work out, at least both parties will still feel respected and their dignity intact and their conscience clear."

"Deepening intimacy without defining a level of commitment is dangerous. Even if its not physical intimacy. Thus: The joy of intimacy should be the reward of commitment and not the other way around"
- this provides the destination of our relationships. Relationships shouldn't be pursued because it is fun. Although our culture dictates otherwise, Mr Morris (from Tuesdays with Morrie) says: "We have to be strong enough to say that if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it" Appropiracy is the term in having relationship with the opposite sex. We need to identify which settings are appropriate and which are not.


Next he defines the habits that make our present generation dating go wrong.

7 Habits of Highly Defective Dating
1. Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship
- one on one dating has the tendency to move a guy and girl beyond friendship and toward romance too quickly.
- intimacy without friendship is superficial
2. Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love
- couples tend to ignore the reality fo considering the other as life partner. Instead, they focus on the demands of the present.
- God demands our purity not just because He's holy, but because He does it for our own good. He knows we'll carry our memories fo past physical involvement in marriage. Guild and regret is what He's shielding us from.
3. Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships
- we often selfishly cut ourselves from those who would serve as our protectors and our guide. Thus when problems beset us, we have no one to turn to except our clouded judgement.
4. Dating can distract us from our primary responsibility of preparing for the future - God may want us to do something else. Instead of serving, instead of equipping ourselves with the character, education, experience necessary to succeed in life, we are blinded by the present needs emphasized by dating.
- dating may help us practice being a good gf/bf, butthese are not the skills we need for marriage.. Even if we're currently going out with the person we'll one day marry, the preoccupation of being the perfect BF or GF can hinder us from being the future husband/wife that person will one day need.
5. Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of Singleness
- of this i am guilty of. Currently i am having an inner battle with regards to missing someone whose indifferent to me. This versus the state of being happy with my singleness. A string of uncommitted dating relationships isn't the gift! God gives us Singleness - a season in our life for boundless opportunities for growth, learnign and service. Dating lets us focus on something we currently don't have!
6. Dating can create an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character.
- rule of the thumb is: friendship first! Real life is what's important!
7. Dating often becomes an end to itself
- there's no commitment, no movement! Dating becomes a limbo instead of a Bridge from friendship to marriage.

alloween festivities and the sorts

An ode to a lost friendship

There's one person that i've hurt oh so much
Must've thought I'm such a big bad girl.
Well so in fact I am.
Thru many trials and problems,
Was there to give me strength,
to cheer me up in the midst of gloom.
Assurance that i'm the sweetest person,
even when i'm in the most rebellious mood.

But what did i give in return?
A harsh meanness was what i've shown.
Heart I've broken, and repeatedly still.
And i now wonder how he could withstand it all.
Distance and space he respectfully gave,
To an undeserving, mean little child.

Just when circumstances turned a little rough,
And this little menace had just enough.
Of all the going ons, the voices and the guilt,
She has decided once for all to end the tale.
Wished for escape and made wrong turns,
on the narrow path that she was once treading upon.

Now alas what has happened?
Love she cannot freely give,
A cold shoulder to his warm embrace.
To the One above she entrusts all things,
Since a mess she created, she cannot mend.

And now after time has pass,
healed the scars,
and hopefully,
for friendship to bloom.